


Is Diana a top or a bottom?

by Meh_66



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Akko is smrt, Crack, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, They all share one braincell and Ursula controls it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:53:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25514578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meh_66/pseuds/Meh_66
Summary: Akko and friends try to answer the age old question: Is Diana a controlling queen who would step on you, or is she a prissy pillow princess?
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	Is Diana a top or a bottom?

**Author's Note:**

> When I started this fic at 3 am, I never imagined that I would write 1200 words for it. And I never would've thought that I would be posting this on the same day. 13 hour fic lets go!

“Is Diana a top or a bottom?” Akko randomly popped the question. It was a Saturday, and the red and green teams were hanging out as usual. Sucy had recently told her all about tops and bottoms, and upon hearing that she could “dominate Diana” in at least one subject, she decided to find out whether or not Diana was a top or a bottom.

“What?!” Amanda nearly spat out her soda. “Why do you even want to know?” 

“Because as her rival,-” Amanda rolled their eyes. “-I need to know everything about her! This might be the one thing I’ll be able to dominate her in!”

“Tell us how you’re gonna dominate Diana again.” Sucy was already having immense fun with this conversation. The chaos gay in her was loving this.

“W-Well Akko,” Lotte began meekly. “It’s very hard to judge someone’s s-s-s-” Interrupting the other witch, Amanda began thinking aloud. “Diana is totally a top. She’s the controlling type. She’d probably put cat ears on ya, put you on a leash, and that actually sounds-” The American slapped their face as it turned red. “No. O’Neil, you have a reputation, and-” A Stanbot tapped her foot. “Hm?” Looking up, they found Constanze holding up one of her signs. “We already know. It’s no big deal.”

“But Consey! Luna Nova’s butch icon is not a bottom!” Amanda stood up and started to say something. “In fact I-”

“Get turned into a blubbering mess when someone shows genuine interest in you?” Jasminka said, munching on a bagel. “That’s alright. We all do. Want some?”

“THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME! THIS IS ABOUT DIANA!” Amanda shouted.

“What about Diana?” Croix smoothly strolled up.

“Hi Croix-sensei! I wanna know whether Diana is a top or a bottom so I can dominate her!” Long ago, Croix had realized that questioning Akko’s ideas only wasted time. So she was forced to roll with it. The inventor realized that this would be the perfect time to reveal some more of that Juicy Chariot Information. 

“Well… We don’t even know if she’s gay.” Lotte chimed in. “And as I was saying earlier-”

“Lotte, with all due respect, no one in this school is straight.” Croix looked around at the other students milling about. “Even a repressed lesbian like me realizes what they really like. Most of the time, anyway.”

Meanwhile, Amanda was arguing with their teammates. “I’m a butch! And butches are never bottoms!” She motioned towards Croix. “Just look at her! A fine example of a top!”

“Me? A top? HA!” Croix chuckled. “I can’t top for shit- er, crap! In fact-” She leaned in. “-I got topped by Shiny Chariot.”

“YOU GOT TOPPED BY SHINY CHARIOT!?!” Akko’s eyes shone brightly. Had her mentor been hiding her relationship with the idol? Maybe she could help her find out why she disappeared! The poor girl was obvious to Sucy’s snickering, and even more obvious to Amanda’s minor existential crisis. “This is so cool! Can you tell me what she likes?”

“CROIX!” Ursula had heard Akko’s shout, and she could only guess who was behind it. She practically materialized behind the offending witch. “You shouldn’t be sharing our-  _ your _ personal affairs with students! Especially-” She gritted her teeth. “-ones that are from years ago.”

“Chariot likes BDSM.” Croix stated with a shit-eating grin on her face. She looked directly at the former performer. Said former performer started blushing.

“What's that?” Akko, the innocent soul that she was, did not know what this “BDSM” stuff was. “Ursula-sensei! Do you know what BDSM is?” Akko’s eyes shone brightly.

“Well, um- I-it means, uh, Bunnies Doing Social Media! Yeah! That's it!” Slightly blushing, she glared at the inventor. “And that’s a fact.” Looking over at Sucy, she continued. “Don’t say otherwise.”

“I should google that later.” Akko noted.

Changing the subject, Ursula spoke up. “W-why did you even call  _ her _ over here in the first place?”

“Oh. I wanted to know if Diana was a top or a bottom.” Akko stated. Not allowing time for Ursula to respond, she continued. “As her rival, it’s vital that I know everything about her.”

“And what will you do with that information?” Ursula asked. Even she had a hard time justifying why Akko would need this information.

“Because if she’s a bottom, I’ll be able to tie her up and get her all wet-” Everyone present was scandalized. Poor Lotte nearly fainted. “-With a bucket of water!” Sucy groaned, while Akko jumped up and down excitedly. “It’ll be the best prank ever!” 

“A-and why does this plan hinge on her being a bottom?” This was one of Akko’s more confusing plans.

“Because Sucy told me that tops don’t like getting tied up!” Sucy’s one visible eye widened. Upon seeing the glare that Ursula was sending her way, she offered up an explanation.

“What? That’s true for most tops.” She shrugged.

“I- ugh. Just… Go and-”

“Ask Diana about her preferences.” Croix reveled in the look Ursula gave her. “It’s the only way to know for sure-”

“OHMYGOSH!” Akko spun around. “You guys finish each other's sentences! That’s so cute! It’s like you two are dating!” Both professors started blushing, a fact that was not missed by Lotte, the hopeless romantic. She would be writing about this tonight. It would be a sad story about two lovers. Hopelessly in love, but hopelessly in denial.

“LIke I was  _ saying _ ,” Ursula glared at Croix. “Just make sure that you have-”

“-clear and constant consent before you do anything.” The inventor smirked. “A safeword is a-”

“-good idea as well.” Whilst the pair had broken up years ago, they were still up to give advice to the younger couples.

“Thanks guys! I’ll go do that!” Akko sprinted off.

“...What was that?” Sucy questioned.

“I’ll be honest, I don’t even know.” Croix shrugged. “I’m gonna go-”

“-Be antisocial and eat unhealthy amounts of ramen?” Chariot smirked. She had gotten Croix backed into a corner. Croix had been called out, but she wasn’t going to give up just yet. “Do you wanna go be antisocial with me?” Chariot moved closer to the lilac-haired witch. “Yes~" She whispered. The hairs on Croix’s neck stood on end.

“Ew. Gross. Get a room.” Sucy said with disgust. Embarrassed, the pair backed away from each other. Lotte was inconspicuously taking notes. It would be great material.

* * *

“Why did you lie to me?!” Akko had tears in her eyes. Ursula’s worst fears had come true. Croix had exposed her web of lies. She really was Shiny Chariot and- “When I googled BDSM, I didn’t get pictures of cute bunnies browsing Instagram!” Oh, so it was about this. Ursula had hoped that Akko would hyper-fixate on something else and forget about that conversation. “All I got was some pictures of pretty women all tied up!” She showed her professor. “And this video of some chick tied up and screaming. Wanna see it?”

“A-Akko, I think we should…” She trailed off as the brunette exhibited 357 tabs of the stuff on one of Croix’s tablets. “Clear the browsing history, factory reset the device, and burn it!”

**Author's Note:**

> Later in life, Akko would learn that Diana was not a top, nor was she a bottom. She was both.


End file.
